The Daily Unicorn brings you the following SPECIAL BLOWOUT from Amber.

The Thornbirds of Amber

The on again, off again stormy whirlwind relationship between King Darwin of Amber and his family is sweeping the Castle.

After another violent cabinet meeting, in which Prime Minister Elizabeth nearly decapitated her father, General Eric when he insulted Queen Moire of Rebma, King Darwin ordered everyone else out of the room in order to deal with his Prime Minister in private.

King Darwin's last words to Princess Elizabeth were, "NOW GET OUT OF HERE!"

She was seen throwing open the chamber doors and yelling, "HOW DARE YOU INSULT A PRINCESS OF AMBER! I WILL HAVE YOUR HEART FOR BREAKFAST YOU SNIVLING ERIC SYMPATHIZER!"

Rumors surrounding this conflict include Eric kidnapping PRince Christopher to hold as a hostage to keep his hostile children from killing him outright. Some say that Princess Elizabeth is on the verge of pronouncing a Blood Curse upon General Eric once she rescues Prince Christopher.

And At General Dalt's Begma Palace Gathering:

Princess Elizabeth Strikes Again - "Gentlemen. I thought that I should warn you. Do not talk about the fate of Amber with him [King Darwin]," she scoffed at Darwin with a venomous glance. "He licks Eric's boots and has only his own personal investment in this war. I've seen the reports when he went to Rebma."

Darwin's jaw dropped to the floor. "You..." he stammered. He suddenly recovered and gave Elizabeth a look of death. "Boots are better than the things you lick," he growled. "It's not my fault Eric is more competent than you."

Randolph went up behind Elizabeth. "I have worked with Elizabeth for many years already, Prince Darwin." he looked offended,"You are aiding Dara's cause by inciting dissention in your own court. You are Chief of State but do not risk your claim to the Crown by setting father against daughter."

Elizabeth continued unabated, "I have at least earned my position into authority! YOU had your backstabbing mother help rig the disappearance of the Majestic Jersey so that she could put you on the throne! You are a redhead through and through and a threat to the noble Amber kingdom. I will not sit back and let my people suffer at the hands of tyrrants, or sycophants! Eric should have stayed dead. His children hate him, and so do most of the cabinet members. Eric goes, or I go. We both know that Eric intends to split Amber with Dara. He will keep Amber and half of Amber Isle while Dara gets the remaining Golden Circle Kingdoms. That's one reason why we haven't helped Eregnor very well. Dara wanted it vulnerable and easy to control when she lands her troops. And don't even try to lie about your secret dinner with Mandor. It all began there, didn't it, Darwin!"

Randolph tried to calm both Elizabeth and Darwin down. "I recommend you take back that comment, cousin and Your Highness." He turned to Elizabeth, "Pray do not his Highness's comments, Your Highness upset you. We must stay a team and Prince Darwin will realize his words were rash."

And even more from Elizabeth. "Rash! For once he's spoken the truth, Randolph. His kind were born evil." Elizabeth turned back to Darwin, "And one more thing, King Darwin, if you _ever_ double cross me again, I will get even." Elizabeth tossed the wine from her glass on Darwin's front, soaking it in red. "Have a pleasant evening." she walked away mumbling to herself.

And From the Minister of the Interior's Desk in Amber:

Princess Rosche has been assigned to keep tabs on the family. She recently ordered a new filing cabinet specifically labeled as _The King's Special Activities_. Inside this triple locked vault exists the truth about King Darwin's bedroom romps. As acting Minister of the Interior, Princess Rosche (Princess Florimel's daughter) has organized a task force to note King Darwin's every move and facial expression.

The recent skirmishes in opinion and sexual fulfillment requirements by King Darwin regarding the female side of the family, including Princess Vivvyan, Elizabeth, Cassilda, Ulandra, Alexis, Moire and Llewella simultaneously, many Amber Castle serving wenches, and special multi-limbed genetically created slaves from shadow have been exhausted. In short the hypothesis is this: No longer satisfied with the women of the Royal family, Darwin has moved on to bigger and better things...the men. He keeps his cabinet stocked with young boys, hand picked from Amber City. In fact, King Darwin made a deal with the Queen Mother Dara of Chaos to return thousands of "sweet young things" to satisfy his appetite which has grown geometrically since the Master Plan was put into action. Darwin also agreed to slowly hand over Amber to Prince Eric after a few 'gestures of good will' were given by Prince Eric. Princes Harrowdale and Niles do not know how to cope with their bi-sexual lust-driven monarch any longer and have requested aid from Lord Mandor on several occasions with no response. Until recently, Prince Quinn was King Darwin's bedchamber mate. Princess Alexis had his mind edited in order to live a more productive life without the trauma of a sinful past dogging the rest of his days.

On behalf of the Amber cabinet, we the Daily Unicorn, urge the moral people of Amber City and beyond to help King Darwin.

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04/29/99